I haven't posted for a few days, but it has been crazy times. This week has been a flurry of activity. Our wonderful Blake once again decided that he was not going to put up with having the principal in his face and decided to jump the fence at school.
It all started off so harmlessly, being a child that has limitless energy he can sometimes decide to be in a silly mood and when I say silly it's an extreme sillyness where you can not talk to him, get his eye contact or even get him to hear you, he becomes so involved in his own little silly world that he is oblivious to anyone around him. Of course this happened in the middle of class time which is totally not convenient for anyone and of course the teachers and principal could not get him to stop so they removed the class and attempted to get him to calm down and stop being so silly. This didn't work for them as he continued on. It is very hard to know what to do in this situation as there really is no key in making him stop, he just needs to get it out of his system, some physical activity can sometimes help but the first hurdle is actually moving him to another space so that he can get it out of his system. On this occasion, no-one at the school was able to succeed in moving him to another area, so the entire class needed to be removed to another area. Of course this built the frustrations of the staff and it meant that the pleading, nagging and verbalisations to Blake continued to a point where he no longer enjoyed being silly because he was being interrupted by staff trying to move him to another area. Blake is a strictly hands off kid, so there is no way that the staff can approach him and forceably remove him and that wouldn't sit well with me anyway. In the proceeding hour, Blake had gone from being extremely silly to extremely angry. He voluntaryily moved himself out of the classroom but it was only because he wanted to get away from the staff. He moved out to the yard and had a staff member follow him out there. If you can imagine a rabbit moving away from a fox and the fox comes closer, commonsense tells you that the rabbit will continue to move away from the fox until the rabbit is out of sight from the fox. Well this is sort of the same situation where Blake didn't want to be anywhere near the staff who in his eyes had been harassing him and annoying him. He can't see that what he was doing was annoying an entire class and several staff members, he can only see his point of view where he set out to do something and he wasn't permitted to do it and was being hounded by staff to conform to what they wanted him to do. With Oppositional Defiance Disorder it is extremely hard for Blake to cope with what others want him to do, every request is met with questions and sometimes a challenge as his mindset is always thinking why should I? Whats in it for me? Why do I need to? The key to getting him to cooperate is timing, allowing his brain to process what is required and allowing his brain to do the "shift change" that you or I can do automatically when needed to. Shift change is the brain's ability to shift from one task to another and also the ability to multi task. Blakes' shift change is not so automatic and can be a slow process that requires extra time.
What followed in this case was that because Blake tried to get away from the staff and he couldn't the staff continued to follow him to where he was and continued to request him to follow their instructions, Blake then jumped the fence and started running out of the school grounds. Blake had reached boiling point and was extremely mad, he just needed some space to calm down that is all he wanted - pure and simple. It's actually not that simple to staff who need to meet with regulations and safety standards but in Blake's eyes it is very simple - I need space, go away, leave me alone!!!
In the end my husband went down to the school after 3 phone calls requesting him to attend the school ASAP - it was unfortunate that at the time, my husband had a client with him and wasn't able to instantly leave the house. Hence 3 phone calls from the school asking when was he going to arrive. By that stage the staff had no idea what to do and were desperate for my husband to come and save the day so to speak. My husband found Blake at a nearby high school where staff from Blake's school and some high school staff had Blake surrounded like an animal that they were trying to trap!!! It was so ridiculous and not appropriate, they were only aggravating Blake and I have to ask my self did they really think that he was going to cooperate with their actions and magically calm down and simply walk to the teachers, I mean could they not see that Blake had reached his absolute limit and needed to calm down, was it too hard for them to let him run it off into the paddock and watch him from a distance. Blake knows what the boundaries are and he knows about keeping safe and he generally will stay within those limits as long as he can get what he needs which is "space and time".
After my husband finding Blake and convincing him to come to him, he spent 2 hours with him, sitting in silence until Blake had calmed sufficiently for him to talk about things and explain what happened. They then went for a long walk and went to the shop and got a cold drink as well as have a talk about what could be done differently next time and what Blake could do in the same situation. They had agreed on some goals and guidelines and went back to the school to discuss these with Blake's carer and principal. We found the principal not as accommodating or willing to commit to anything that was being discussed but also not offering any alternatives. She then proceeded to start lecturing Blake which was not a good option as he was already a bit fragile and his body language told my husband that he was about to be set off again. My husband quickly redirected the conversation and settled him back into class and left the school somewhat content that he didn't have to bring Blake home, although that is what the principal would have liked, we felt it important to have him resettled for the remainder of the school day so that a repeat would not occur simply for the excuse of being able to come home. Blake is a very smart kid and we need to be careful to keep him with good school habits whilst at the same time happy to be supportive to the school and help out when needed. Our priority is Blake's well being. He has additional needs and recognising that and accommodating that is crucial in the school's success of managing Blake. We wait to see what next week brings.
Sunday 27 February 2011
Monday 21 February 2011
Settlement Day
Today I hardly spent anytime with my kids as they were at school and day care. I went to work and I was feeling so stressed even before I left the house.
Today was settlement day, finally we have brought an investment property and today at 2pm was the day that we settled and I got keys. There always seems to be a drama going on, why can't anything ever travel smootly. My stress today was whether we would have enough money to issue the cheques for settlement of it all. Both my husband and I put together all the funds that we had in all accounts and money that we had in our wallets and purse and put it all into the main account for drawing of the cheques, my fear was realised when we deposited all funds and I was still $100 short, I had $100 in my purse for fuel, bread, milk and to pay for day care. However I had to use it and now I have nothing, well actually I have $50 in my other bank account but I need to leave that there for a couple of direct debits that will be coming out. I probably sound as though I can't manage my money but in actual fact I'm very good at setting a budget and allocating funds for bills etc, its just that I counted on some money that my husband had been paid by a client and even though I told him that we would probably need some of those funds, he went ahead and spent $300 of it on ebay auctions. Grrrr I was so mad when I found out, that $300 could have been what we had to live on for the next week, but instead we are down to $50 and my car is running on empty!!!
Rather than lash out and tell him what I really thought I simply talked to him about being a partnership and how I need him to help me achieve the goals that we set and staying within budget so that we can achieve the holiday that we so desperately want to go to in May 2011. He was very receptive and I could see that he was dissappointed in himself and gosh it was tempting to tell him how dissappointed I was with him and yell at him to express my anger, but I withheld it and instead was very quiet for the rest of the morning that we spent together.
After organising the cheques and dropping them off at the solicitor, he dropped me off at work, while he ran a few other errands, it wasn't until he came back from his appointments that I was ready to talk to him, I had calmed down by then and realised that we all stuff up and yelling, ranting and raving really would not have achieved anything.
Deep down I still feel a bit down about being let down but I will get over it. I think sometimes small things bother me in a magnified manner because of my depression. I realise that and acknowledge it and my husband understands it too, so he is very forgiving.
Now that I'm home, I'm tired, I'm in pain as I have a sore back and it is agony to be walking around, so basically I washed up the dishes, gave the kids a couple of small chores to do each and now I'm sitting on my bed resting. I won't be doing much else and the kids have realised that I'm not well and are staying away, at the moment there is peace because Amber is outside playing, Nat is doing her chores and Blake is playing computer games. I'm sure this is the calm before the storm but I live in hope that it will be a good night....here's hoping.
Today was settlement day, finally we have brought an investment property and today at 2pm was the day that we settled and I got keys. There always seems to be a drama going on, why can't anything ever travel smootly. My stress today was whether we would have enough money to issue the cheques for settlement of it all. Both my husband and I put together all the funds that we had in all accounts and money that we had in our wallets and purse and put it all into the main account for drawing of the cheques, my fear was realised when we deposited all funds and I was still $100 short, I had $100 in my purse for fuel, bread, milk and to pay for day care. However I had to use it and now I have nothing, well actually I have $50 in my other bank account but I need to leave that there for a couple of direct debits that will be coming out. I probably sound as though I can't manage my money but in actual fact I'm very good at setting a budget and allocating funds for bills etc, its just that I counted on some money that my husband had been paid by a client and even though I told him that we would probably need some of those funds, he went ahead and spent $300 of it on ebay auctions. Grrrr I was so mad when I found out, that $300 could have been what we had to live on for the next week, but instead we are down to $50 and my car is running on empty!!!
Rather than lash out and tell him what I really thought I simply talked to him about being a partnership and how I need him to help me achieve the goals that we set and staying within budget so that we can achieve the holiday that we so desperately want to go to in May 2011. He was very receptive and I could see that he was dissappointed in himself and gosh it was tempting to tell him how dissappointed I was with him and yell at him to express my anger, but I withheld it and instead was very quiet for the rest of the morning that we spent together.
After organising the cheques and dropping them off at the solicitor, he dropped me off at work, while he ran a few other errands, it wasn't until he came back from his appointments that I was ready to talk to him, I had calmed down by then and realised that we all stuff up and yelling, ranting and raving really would not have achieved anything.
Deep down I still feel a bit down about being let down but I will get over it. I think sometimes small things bother me in a magnified manner because of my depression. I realise that and acknowledge it and my husband understands it too, so he is very forgiving.
Now that I'm home, I'm tired, I'm in pain as I have a sore back and it is agony to be walking around, so basically I washed up the dishes, gave the kids a couple of small chores to do each and now I'm sitting on my bed resting. I won't be doing much else and the kids have realised that I'm not well and are staying away, at the moment there is peace because Amber is outside playing, Nat is doing her chores and Blake is playing computer games. I'm sure this is the calm before the storm but I live in hope that it will be a good night....here's hoping.
Sunday 20 February 2011
Introduction to my life
I'm a mum of four children, two of which have ADHD and ODD, my day consists of chaos, being the referee between all my children, being the counsellor to my teenager and my 7yo as they are constantly requiring my help in understanding their world and their perceptions. I have put some more information about my family in my profile, feel free to have a look.
My children's perceptions are often different to everyone elses and they are very focused on fairness and justice, this is typical of ADHD characteristics, their perception of fairness is often different to others and this can be hard to deal with as it sometimes mean that others have to make allowances or they may have to put themselves in my child's shoes to try and understand whats happening and this is difficult for another child to do. I'm mentally exhausted by the end of the day and sometimes when it is the end of the day (I mean literally at 11pm) I really dont have the energy and my carefactor is zero so when I'm still having to "counsel" one of my children at this time of night, it is very tempting to simply say "I can't talk to you about this right now, please go to bed" But of course if I do that - then it adds further frustration as it can lead to my child being resentful, hurt and feeling rejected which then leads to a verbal outburst about how EVERYONE hates them and doesn't care about them and no-one listens to them.
By the way being up dealing with my children at 11pm is nothing unusual for my household as both my children with ADHD have a sleeping difficulty which again is another characteristic of ADHD. They simply have a real struggle to "turn" their brain off and relax their body......I have tried all the methods out there, ones that work for other families, but they don't work for me.
My life is a fine balance between keeping the peace and keeping my sanity. Taking care of myself is something I have had to really reflect on in the last couple of months as my health has started to be affected by the emotional and mental load that I carry each day. Not to mention the physical workload that goes with being a mum of 4 but thankfully my husband is a wonderful support and helps to share the household workload of domestics.
Today is my first day of Blogging.....I really only wanted to do this Blog to share my experiences as they happen, I think it can be helpful for me to write down my experiences and it may be of interest to you. I would love to hear from you....
My children's perceptions are often different to everyone elses and they are very focused on fairness and justice, this is typical of ADHD characteristics, their perception of fairness is often different to others and this can be hard to deal with as it sometimes mean that others have to make allowances or they may have to put themselves in my child's shoes to try and understand whats happening and this is difficult for another child to do. I'm mentally exhausted by the end of the day and sometimes when it is the end of the day (I mean literally at 11pm) I really dont have the energy and my carefactor is zero so when I'm still having to "counsel" one of my children at this time of night, it is very tempting to simply say "I can't talk to you about this right now, please go to bed" But of course if I do that - then it adds further frustration as it can lead to my child being resentful, hurt and feeling rejected which then leads to a verbal outburst about how EVERYONE hates them and doesn't care about them and no-one listens to them.
By the way being up dealing with my children at 11pm is nothing unusual for my household as both my children with ADHD have a sleeping difficulty which again is another characteristic of ADHD. They simply have a real struggle to "turn" their brain off and relax their body......I have tried all the methods out there, ones that work for other families, but they don't work for me.
My life is a fine balance between keeping the peace and keeping my sanity. Taking care of myself is something I have had to really reflect on in the last couple of months as my health has started to be affected by the emotional and mental load that I carry each day. Not to mention the physical workload that goes with being a mum of 4 but thankfully my husband is a wonderful support and helps to share the household workload of domestics.
Today is my first day of Blogging.....I really only wanted to do this Blog to share my experiences as they happen, I think it can be helpful for me to write down my experiences and it may be of interest to you. I would love to hear from you....
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